So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
