Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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