My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
