she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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