Who wears a wallet chain?!
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
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To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
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I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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