and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
