i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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