So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
