Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
