I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
