haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
