Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
