i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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