Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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