You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
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