Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
