he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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