I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
