I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
