she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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