My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
