sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
