dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
