Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
