so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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