Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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