Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
