I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
