I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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