you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize