I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
