I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Randomize
