If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
