You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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