omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize