You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
