ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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