Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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