Please don't use social media to get back at me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
