That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
