Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
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