its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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