I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
