He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Randomize
