She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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