I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
