Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
