All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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