Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
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