I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
