well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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