At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
