Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
