..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I made him laugh his dick is mine
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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