Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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