i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
