She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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