My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
