I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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