it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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