I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
