i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Randomize
