all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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