whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
