Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
