is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
