ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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