Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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