i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
then he tried to convert me to islam
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
