This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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