I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
