You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I am one with the molecules
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
is it fun? or sober?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
