weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You need a sexual gate keeper
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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