she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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