At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
