I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
