lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
