We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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